


Doomed From the Start

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Attempted Murder, F/M, Focus is not Shipping, Gamzee Dies, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Karkat Kills Him, M/M, Murder, POV Second Person, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Red Romance, Self-Defense, Sober Gamzee Makara, Survivor Guilt, how does one tag?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-23
Updated: 2016-08-04
Packaged: 2018-07-16 17:53:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7278013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They say when you're about to die, your entire life flashes in front of your eyes, a maelstrom of memories that you can't block out; that's not true. When you're about to die, you are numb. You couldn't feel the pain spreading through most of your body as he kept hitting you in more and more places, couldn't feel the blood as it poured down your face from your nose and lip that had split at some point in the chaos. You couldn't feel yourself move as one arm lifted, sickle in hand, and slit the back of his ankle.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

You hadn't originally intended to sit in the middle of a corridor in the attempt to comfort your moirail, who sat on the floor cradling his head in his hands with one of his still-stained clubs laying at his side. He didn't say anything, at least, nothing at a volume that your ears could catch, and they had been rather finely tuned to upset-moirail-muttering volume. The pale, shaky hand that rose was quickly pushed back to the rest of his curled up form, partially because you had a paranoia that he would grab the club to attack you, and partially because you couldn't bare seeing him shake like that. He moved the other hand, just as pale and shaking just as hard, in the same direction, which you gladly pushed back to his chest again, though you could hear his agitation rising in his breathing. Finally, he snapped up, shoving you away from him while letting out a loud noise somewhere between a scream and one of his obnoxiously loud honks. Your eyes widened, and you attempted to shuffle away to the best of your ability while he grabbed his club, before falling to your back as you dodged his quick attempt to swing at you.

"I don't need your motherfuckin' papping, Karkat! Sometimes, what a brother needs is to just be alone for a little motherfuckin' while, but with overbearing, overprotective Karbro around, a motherfucker can never get any god damn alone time." He swung again, and you could feel the breeze of his club rushing by on your face as it made contact with the ends of your hair, making all of the muscles in your chest tighten and your breathing come to a halt.

You ignored the feeling of betrayal and the filthy cherry red tears welling up in your eyes as you finally escaped your position as a cornered animal and pushed yourself to your feet. You ignored how badly you were shaking as you summoned your sickle in a flash, grip on it a little too tight and stance a little too wide. You ignored everything that you could but the fact that you could die right now.

It was strange, really. For sweeps, you had been convinced by your past, future, and present selves that you wanted to die, that if someone were to break into your hive and slit your throat you wouldn't even put up a fight in the attempt to save yourself. Yet there you were, defending yourself against your moirail.

You had lost him in the shadows of the corridor, looking around uneasily to find his smeared face paint or his sunflower golden eyes, but they were lost, and you were completely blind to his presence, and thus his oncoming attacks. Your head whipped around constantly, out of nerves more than cautiousness, and you were sure that would make him harder to spot than easier, but it was an instinct. You only found where he was when it was on top of you, having tackled you while you were looking away and hitting you in the chest with his club twice until you came out of your dazed state and slashed at his face with your sickle, adding a nice fourth scar to the three already there before shoving him off of you with a grunt.

The sight of that much purple blood made you sick, and you weren't about to address the smell, but you couldn't waste time feeling sorry for yourself and getting caught up in how bad the room smelled, you needed to get out of there before he got back up. You quickly turned on your heel and started to run; the issue with having a moirail who was practically at the top of the hemospectrum and almost a foot taller than you was that there was no way in hell you could outrun him. Whether it be because he caught up to you quickly due to how long his legs were, or because he just managed to outrun you in a stamina sense since being a highblood meant being better than you in practically every way but mentally, there was no way that you could stay ahead of him until you got to your block, which was _oh so conveniently_ halfway across the meteor.

Reaching the end of the corridor certainly didn't help, as you quickly had to decide whether to just let him kill you or turn around and fight, as if you could beat him. You weren't sure how your frequently self-deprecating, constantly overactive thinkpan had come to the conclusion that attempting to save yourself and inevitably failing was better than not trying at all, but you found yourself slowly turning. He wasn't too far away from you now, still charging like a bull.

The first club went swinging, though you weren't sure when he had gotten it out, and you caught it with the curve of your blade, though you hadn't expected the second one as it made contact with your hip and sent practically blinding amounts of pain through your side and leg. You were so distracted by the pain you didn't notice when you released the first club, allowing him to slam it down into your shoulder. The second quickly moved from your hip to your face, hitting the left side of it and surely causing a bruise to well up on the cheek and eye as your nose started to gush blood, and it was so red, so _painfully red._ You were helpless. Lost. They say when you're about to die, your entire life flashes in front of your eyes, a maelstrom of memories that you can't block out; that's not true. When you're about to die, you are numb. You couldn't feel the pain spreading through most of your body as he kept hitting you in more and more places, couldn't feel the blood as it poured down your face from your nose and lip that had split at some point in the chaos. You couldn't feel yourself move as one arm lifted, sickle in hand, and slit the back of his ankle.

And just like that, your giant oaf a moirail tumbled to the ground, blood pooling from his ankle as you weakly moved closer to him. He had dropped the clubs, hands clenching his ankle in a weak attempt to staunch the blood. The look he gave you as you pushed yourself to sit up to the best of your ability was one of horror, one that was clearly trying to make the person who had just attacked you seem pitiful, one that was begging silently for mercy. Had this been any other scenario, had you been any less injured or run any less far to get away from him or spent any less time trying to make him feel better about a problem you had no knowledge of before he snapped, you probably would have shown him the very mercy he begged for. As it was, you didn't hesitate to stab your sickle into his neck and slice, the line crooked and oozing with purple.


	2. Chapter 2

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling carcinoGenticist [CG] at 03:32.

GC: WH3R3 TH3 FUCK 4R3 YOU?  
GC: 1 WOULDNT NORM4LLY C4R3 BUT ON3 C4N ONLY T4K3 SO MUCH N4GG1NG FROM K4N4Y4 B3FOR3 PROM1S1NG TH3YLL S4Y SOM3TH1NG  
GC: OH COM3 ON K4RK4T, YOU 4R3NT GO1NG TO PULL TH1S 1GNOR1NG MY M3SS4G3S BULLSH1T YOUV3 B33N PULL1NG W1TH 3V3RYON3 3LS3  
CG: FUCK, TEREZI.  
CG: I REALLY DON'T WANT TO TALK RIGHT NOW.  
GC: 1F YOU JUST D1DNT W4NT TO T4LK YOU WOULD H4V3 S41D TH4T TO ON3 OF TH3 OTH3R THR33 P3OPL3 M3SS4G1NG YOU  
GC: JUST T3LL M3 WH4TS WRONG  
CG: I...  
CG: I REALLY DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS HERE.  
GC: HOW M4NY T1M3S DO 1 H4V3 TO R3M1ND YOU TH4T PR1V4T3 M3SS4G3S 4R3NT 4 M3MO B3FOR3 1T S1NKS 1N?  
CG: IT'S NOT JUST THAT, TEREZI.  
CG: THIS ISN'T THE SORT OF THING THAT YOU TALK ABOUT OVER TROLLIAN.  
CG: FUCK, JUST...  
GC: 1 G3T 1T  
GC: YOU DONT W4NT TO T4LK  
CG: NO, THAT'S NOT WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY!  
CG: SHIT... OKAY, MEET ME IN FRONT OF GAMZEE'S BLOCK AND I'LL TRY TO EXPLAIN.  
CG: AND DON'T BRING KANAYA OR SOLLUX OR ANYONE ELSE, OKAY?  
GC: OK4Y...  
GC: WHY G4MZ33S BLOCK?  
CG: I'LL EXPLAIN.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] at 03:45.

You pressed your face into your hands for a moment. The amethyst blood had already mostly dried into the lines of your palms and under your fingernails, and attempting to wipe it off on your pants just left smears that would likely dry into purple stains you didn't want to explain. Staring up from your hands, your eyes fell on his body, head at an awkward angle that caused blood to pool from his face onto the floor while a small puddle had already formed by his ankles. You let out a swear under your breath before you pushed yourself up, grasping at one of his legs and stumbling back as your hands slipped on the blood. You groaned and grabbed his arms instead, tugging him in the direction of his block so you could properly dispose of him.

He was heavier than you had expected, and dragging him along the floor was a strain. You tried to ignore the streaks along the floor making an effective grape-colored trail, simply hoping no one would stumble across it and use it to find you. You didn't even want to talk to the one person you were about to.

You let out a sound of relief in time with the soft thud of his wrists making contact with the floor as you dropped them, glancing around for the short girl you were supposed to be meeting. It took her another few minutes to arrive, which was shocking to you due to how quickly you had seen her move, but the second that she arrived at the scene, you couldn't ignore the disgusted look on her face. "Grapes and black ink... Karkat, what is that?"

You couldn't lie to her. You couldn't even tell a small lie, something not too far from the truth like "It's probably just because Gamzee's block is close" to make her feel better, anything other than what actually came out of your mouth. "I... I killed Gamzee." It came out a hoarse whisper, harsh on your throat, but no where near as harsh as attempting to contain the sobs that tried to burst out, contain the temper tantrum you were so close to throwing. Her face fell, and you could almost hear her bloodpusher hammering in her chest as she mulled over the information she had just received, trying to contemplate whether she should stay or run away and leave you, a murderer, alone with what you had done. After a moment, it seemed her mind had been made up, and she grasped your wrist, pulling you into an embrace.

A shaky sob escaped her lips, warm breath hitting your chest with the noise. Her face was buried in you, and instinctively, you wanted to push her away, both because you weren't a huge fan of public displays of affection and because you had just _killed someone_ , you didn't want to run the risk of hurting her due to leftover adrenaline. Unfortunately, your arms hung heavy at your sides for a long, awkward minute, before you finally realized that you should do something, say, hug her back, moron! Lifting your arms was an awkward experience, as they would raise a few inches hesitantly before moving back a couple, and they got about halfway up before you forced yourself to actually wrap them around her, hugging perhaps just a bit too tight.

Your face hid itself in her hair, and you tried not to notice that she smelled nice because it wasn't the time to be having awkward thoughts about one of your closest friends, _you had just fucking killed someone._ When she pulled away, which took a long few minutes of silence and hugging and shaky sobs, she looked up at your face, eyes pitifully watery and puffy, and you tried not to look at how red they were. Her favorite. You wondered if it really was just because it smelled nice, or if it was because of you, though you were pretty sure it wasn't because of you because you were a piece of shit and she knew that.

"So, that smell... Is that...?" She didn't have to finish her question. You nodded slowly, eyes wide.

You took a couple of steps back as she gagged, doubling over. You wanted to look away as the contents of her stomach spilled onto the floor, but you couldn't help but watch, quickly moving around the disgusting puddle to stand behind her and hold her hair back. She continued to dry heave for a minute, before swiping at her mouth.

She was shaking like a yapbeast, and you frowned, pulling her close again as she sobbed again. You had thought you were past the hugging and crying, or you had at least thought that you would be the one crying during this interaction, but this whole time you had felt surprisingly... numb. You couldn't feel anything, and you were worried it was because of the amount of blood you'd lost or pain you had been in before talking to her, the affects of which still carrying over.

When she pulled away this time, looking up at your face just like she had before, she inhaled deeply, taking in your scent before making a noise of surprise. "Karkat! You're covered in bruises, what the fuck happened?" You tensed, and you were sure she noticed it, exhaling slowly to keep yourself calm so you didn't start shaking or crying or otherwise showing off that you were upset because you didn't want her to feel bad for asking.

"When I... you know..." She nodded, silently urging you to continue, "I didn't... It wasn't exactly a planned thing, I didn't _want_ to kill him. It was self-defense, he fucking... Attacked. Chased me down a corridor. Beat me with his..." She silenced you by pulling you close when she realized you were about to cry, and you frowned.

The ensuing shushing that came from her calmed you, and you hugged her back, letting your eyes fall closed and remaining calm, or at least remaining collected rather than having some sort of panic attack over recounting the memories. And the two of you stayed like that, for a long time, hugging for a third time in the middle of the hallway as you finally let yourself feel, let yourself cry because _you had just killed your moirail. He was dead because of you._ His corpse's scent and the putrid smell of Terezi's throw up were what eventually forced you to pull away from her, wiping at the ocean-colored tears on her face before the mutant ones on your own and smiling weakly at her, turning to face the body that you didn't want to touch ever again, yet knew you had to.

You took a step away from her, and then another, and walked around the puddle she had formed again to stare down at him, at his half-open mouth and his unfocused eyes which seemed to be staring deep into the pit of your soul. Looking him up and down, you winced at the blood that had dried on his face and throat, at the still-wet spots on his shirt and pants and shoes colored the same deep purple of his irises, gulped at his hands which were twice the size of yours that had recently been holding clubs like bowling pins that he thrust at your head in the attempt to kill you. You should have just kept running. You should have turned around and tried to make your way past him, you were sure you could have gotten away from him that way. You didn't need to kill him, not in the name of self-defense or the name of anything else. If anything, you should have just let him kill you, you were worthless anyway.

You were pulled back into reality by Terezi's cold hand resting on your back, and you sighed shakily, relaxing just a little bit. You had needed to kill him. You needed to kill him because if you had just let him take you then who knew he would go after next. You needed to kill him because he was irrational and he wasn't Gamzee. Because he could have tried to hurt her. You turned around and kissed her forehead, so grateful that she was still there, that she was there for you, even if she was disgusted by the mess of cuts and blood laying on the ground in front of you and even if she was disgusted by you. She deserved so much better, you shouldn't have tried to drag her down...

"Do you... want help?" You flinched at the small voice, which you realized was hers and not Gamzee's or anybody else's, but still hadn't been expecting, giving her a curious look between 'You scared the shit out of me I didn't catch that' and 'What do you mean,' which quickly led her to elaborate. "Help with the body... You can't just leave it laying around to rot, it'll get disgusting! We need to get rid of it somehow." You went pale, before nodding slowly again, like a partially scratched disc that has a very stuttery part but still works for the most part so you keep it around even though that one part of the movie will always be ruined.

"Y-yeah, that might make it easier..." She inhaled for a second before nodding, holding her breath as she moved to gently grasp one of his arms. Now that she was closer to him, the image was almost funny, as she was a full foot-and-a-quarter shorter than him and her arms were barely long enough to grab both of his as she bent down to help you drag him wherever you felt like taking him. Her taking his wrists meant that you were left with the harder parts, gripping just above his ankles and wincing at the blood that remained there, though it had dried, giving her a knowing look and a nod before lifting your half of him, her doing her best to lift the other. She managed to get his arms and shoulders off of the ground, and you got up to his hips, though his back was awkwardly arched so his mid-spine and up was still touching the floor just slightly while his head fell back to stare up at her. She gagged again, though did not throw up, and the two of you slowly shuffled toward where you knew you wanted to take him, thankfully not far.

She had to moved back about five feet, and you had dropped one of his legs twice before you reached the door to his block, lifting your shirt to cover your nose before opening it. Even with the protection of your sweater, you coughed, before turning and backing in, walking to the middle of the floor of his entertainment block and dropping his legs. Terezi quickly followed suit, making a face and plugging her nose. "What the fuck is that?" You didn't want to inform her that the rotting heads of six of her closest friends were sitting on a dresser in his respiteblock, so you just shook your head in the universal sign for 'You don't want to know' before staring down at the mountain of a troll you had just dropping on the ground. The floor was cold, just like his body, and you had to try to ignore the tangled mess his hair had become between you dragging him along the ground from the corridor you had been in to his block and the two of you sloppily transporting him into his block. You looked around, ignoring the gagging and groaning Terezi in front of you before entering his block and clearing the dresser of heads.

"Can you try to drag him in here?" You stared away from the brown, green, cerulean, navy, violet, and fuchsia bloodstains adamantly as she took a whole five minutes to drag his body to your location, instead opting to look around at the various posters of clown trolls and his now-empty red recuperacoon. The area was littered with Faygo bottles, each with varying degrees of fullness, and you noted the boxes of matches on his desk, wondering what he had been doing with those.

"Here." She huffed as she dropped him, and you kissed her cheek in thanks before attempting to lift him alone just to give her a break. He had to weigh at least twice as much as you, despite his lanky figure, and you let out a loud groan as you managed to push him to be sitting up, leaning against his desk with his head drooping to the side.

You couldn't remember being this winded before, clutching at your chest to make sure your lungs were still properly functioning before attempting to lift him again, slowly but surely forcing his now somewhat mangled corpse into his recuperacoon. He would have wanted to be... "taken care of" in what he had probably only seen as a storage space for his poisonous addiction. You stared at the incredibly small, green puddle of sopor slime in the bottom, old and disgusting and nothing you would have eaten if you were an addict either, yet you still found yourself wondering why he hadn't even tried touching it. Or maybe it had been a larger puddle before, you didn't actually know. Instead of focusing on that, you moved to grab one of the match-boxes, lighting all seven of the matches that were still inside and dropping them on his body and in the puddle.

You remembered hearing once that sopor slime was incredibly flammable, and that you should never take fire or technology anywhere near it. While you had never wanted to find out what would happen if you dropped your husktop in there, you had always had a slight wonder in the back of your mind what would happen if you were to "accidentally" drop a match on it. Right in front of your very eyes, you discovered that a fire would roar in it from even a very small puddle in the bottom of the recuperacoon, a startling bluish-green in color and probably scorching the top of the recuperacoon. His clothes and hair were the first to catch, and you stayed to watch until Terezi started coughing on the smell of the smoke coming from the burning body in front of you, and his bloody clothes.


	3. Chapter 3

It had been two nights since the door to your block had been opened, either by yourself or someone else, and two nights since the familiar flash of the transportalizer signified someone coming or leaving the room to go to the lab. The dull light of your husktop in front of you was the only light in your respiteblock, illuminating your empty recuperacoon behind you and highlighting the bags under your eyes. Balancing two conversations was difficult when you were two seconds away from using your keyboard as a particularly uncomfortable pillow, but somehow you had managed to do it despite the fact that any time you had even come close to drifting off in the last few days your mind wandered to what had happened with Gamzee.

TA: karkat thii2 ii2 the 2econd moviie niight iin a row youve cancelled on me.  
TA: why wont you ju2t talk two me about whatever2 botheriing you?  
CG: SOLLUX, SOME DAY YOU'LL HAVE A REALLY FUCKING IMPORTANT ISSUE THAT YOU CAN ONLY DISCLOSE TO ONE PERSON, WHOM YOU HAVE ALREADY DISCLOSED IT TO, AND YOU WILL UNDERSTAND WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH.  
CG: UNTIL THEN, STOP TREATING ME LIKE I NEED YOU TO PAP ME.  
CG: I'M GONNA BE FINE.  
CG: I AM THE KING OF FINE.  
TA: who exactly have you di2clo2ed iit two?  
TA: who on thii2 damned rock could you po22iibly tru2t more than me?  
CG: YOU DON'T NEED TO KNOW THAT INFORMATION.  
TA: do ii need two break out my mad iinterrogatiion 2kiill2?  
CG: OH MY GOD, DON'T YOU EVEN START WITH THAT HORNBEAST SHIT AGAIN.  
TA: the 2u2pect appear2 two be hiidiing 2omethiing embarra22iing.  
TA: perhap2 he talked two 2omeone he ii2 embarra22ed about talkiing two?  
CG: STOP.  
TA: there2 only one per2on that come2 two miind...  
CG: ALRIGHT, FUCK! IT'S TEREZI. JUST CALM YOUR WEIRD GANGLY BEE TITS.  
CG: AND I'M NOT EMBARRASSED ABOUT TALKING TO HER.  
CG: I JUST DON'T NEED YOUR OVERSIZED NOSE IN MY BUSINESS ALL OF THE TIME.

CG: I'M GOING TO BE FINE, I GUESS I'M STILL JUST A LITTLE BIT SHAKEN UP BY EVERYTHING THAT WENT DOWN.  
GC: TH4T 1S UND3RST4ND4BL3  
GC: YOUR MO1R41L 4TT4CK3D YOU, WH1CH 3V3NTU4LLY FORC3D YOU TO H4V3 TO K1LL H1M 1N S3LF D3F3NS3  
GC: 3V3N 1 C4NT G3T TH3 SM3LL OF H1S BLOOD OFF MY M1ND, 1 C4NT 3V3N 1M4G1N3 WH4T YOUR3 GO1NG THROUGH  
GC: W3LL 1 C4N  
GC: BUT 1 DONT W4NT TO  
CG: WOW, THANKS.  
CG: YOU ARE SO HELPFUL TEREZI.  
CG: I AM LITERALLY BOWING DOWN TO YOUR INFINITE WISDOM.  
GC: 1 C4N SM3LL YOUR S4RC4SM BUT TH3 1M4G3 OF YOU KN33L1NG 1S SO 4MUS1NG TH4T 1M GR1NN1NG 4NYW4Y  
CG: OF COURSE YOU ARE.  
GC: <3  
CG: ...  
CG: .......  
CG: .................................................<3  
GC: V1CTORY!  


You couldn't help the small smile that spread across your face as you saw the ridiculous emoji that ensued, ignoring the growing number of messages from Sollux to stare at it for a long minute, because you had caused it. You and Terezi had had an odd, flirty half-relationship for nearly a sweep, though it had probably been going on much longer than that without your notice. You had wanted to bring up your likely unbearably obvious red crush on her from day one, but didn't want to run the risk of ruining the pseudo-relationship you had already established by bringing up real feelings and a real quadrant, forcing you into an awkward silence.

When you finally responded to Sollux, he seemed way more worried than smug, going against his earlier (as well as usual) tone. He asked you what, exactly, had happened that caused you to be so tight-lipped, and asked what you could possibly trust "TZ" with that you couldn't trust him, your obvious best friend, with, after having been as close as you were since you were barely three sweeps. It didn't take you long to drift off.

It wasn't like you hadn't noticed when your eyelids started to get heavier and heavier, and your head slowly, subtly started to fall until you jerked yourself awake to keep talking to the people you were having conversations with, you just shoved the feeling of exhaustion deep into the pit of your stomach until there wasn't room for it anymore. You weren't exactly sure, then, when everything around you morphed into splotches of purples and reds and mixes of the two, bruises decorating the ripe body of the moirail you had just brutally murdered in the name of self-defense when you really hadn't deserved to be defended by yourself or anyone else at all in the first place. Your face, swollen with the confused strikes of a scared child, coated in your own blood as well as just a few spots of Gamzee's, horrified and focused and confounded all at the same time. Words, though they were a muttered mess and you couldn't identify them, before the pristine, bloodless and bruise-free face of Terezi Pyrope replaced your own. It was comforting, though the feeling was quickly replaced with terror as one of Gamzee's easily-recognizable clubs slammed into her, splattering teal everywhere.

You woke with a start, able to identify the scream of her name that escaped your own mouth before the room was filled with an almost eerie silence, and it took you almost a full minute to compose yourself so you could sit up and blink the fog of sleep from your eyes. Practically the second you were able to focus, you rushed to look at Trollian. Your conversation with Sollux had been ended by him shortly after you had fallen asleep, but Terezi was still messaging you concernedly between strings of symbols and letters you must have typed with your face in the few minutes you had been asleep. A quick glance to the clock told you that it had actually been nearly half an hour, and oh shit, of course Terezi was worried about you, you're such a fucking asshole, you should have just gone to sleep and not worried her.

CG: ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||\?:LLK;;:  
CG: PPPP;.....  
CG: ]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]\\]\\]\\\\\\]\\]\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  
GC: K4RK4T?  
GC: 4R3 YOU DO1NG 4LR1GHT?  
GC: K4RK4T?  
GC: D1D YOU F4LL 4SL33P 4T YOUR HUSKTOP 4G41N?  
GC: 1 SW34R, 1TS L1K3 YOUR3 3MB4RR4SS3D TO 3ND 4 CONV3RS4T1ON  
GC: YOU KNOW, 1 DONT M1ND NOT B31NG TH3 R34SON YOU ST4Y UP W4Y TOO L4T3  
GC: 1 M34N  
CG: L';;;;;L''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''  
GC: Y3S P3RF3CT  
GC: WH4T 4 M34N1NGFUL CONTR1BUT1ON TO TH1S CONV3RS4T1ON  
GC: UGH, BRB  
CG: [;P-0;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;  
CG: O09OLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL;  
CG: \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\]\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\||\|\\\\\\\\\\\  
GC: B4CK  
GC: YOUR3 ST1LL 4SL33P  
GC: W41T SH1T  
CG: ]=[P-;0OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
GC: 4R3 YOU H4V1NG TH4T N1GHTM4R3 4G41N?  
GC: SHOULD 1 COM3 TO YOUR BLOCK TO W4K3 YOU UP?  
GC: HOLY SH1T, 1TS B33N 4LMOST TW3NTY M1NUT3S  
GC: TH1S 1S TH3 MOST SL33P YOUV3 GOTT3N 1N D4YS  
CG: //////'[]P;';;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;';''''''';;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;  
CG: '''  
CG: LLLLLLLLLKLKLKL;;;;;;;LLL;;;;;;;;;;;;;;  
GC: K4RK4T?  
GC: 4R3 YOU F1N4LLY 4W4K3 OR H4S YOUR F4C3 B3COM3 L3SS OF 4 CONV3RS4T1ON4L1ST?  
GC: UUUGH  
CG: SHIT.  
CG: I'M AWAKE NOW.  
CG: ARE YOU OKAY?  
GC: FUCK, H3Y  
GC: 1M F1N3  
GC: D1D YOU H4V3 TH4T N1GHTM4R3 4G41N?  
CG: YEAH...  
CG: IT WAS WORSE THIS TIME.  
GC: ? C4R3 TO 3XPL41N?  
CG: NO.  
CG: BUT, I WAS THINKING...  
CG: WE SHOULD HANG OUT IN MY BLOCK.  
GC: R1GHT NOW?  
CG: WHY NOT?  
GC: 4 WHOL3 SL3W OF R34SONS, R34LLY  
GC: BUT YOUR3 NOT GO1NG TO L1ST3N TO 4NY OF TH3M SO 1LL K33P MY MOUTH SHUT 4ND B3 OV3R TH3R3 SHORTLY  
CG: <3   
GC: <3   


carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] at 13:08.

Once you had managed to shut down your husktop, you pushed yourself out of the chair you had been perfectly happy lounging in for the past couple of nights to stumble into the entertainment block. Practically collapsing onto your couch before curling up a bit and entering a half-awake, half-asleep state that was the only way to get any rest without having horrifying nightmare/flashback combinations that woke you up almost as quickly as they had come in your sleep while still getting any form of rest, you resting your cheek against the palm of your hand as you waited for Terezi to arrive.

* * *

When you awoke, it was to the flash of the transportalizer signifying the arrival of your favorite troll on this meteor, and you jumped a solid couple of inches before yawning, stretching, curling up, and closing your eyes again. You could hear her snort, making you grin a bit, before you pushed yourself up and hugged her tightly. Her face found its way into the warmth of your sweater and you didn't even bother to fuss about her possibly smelling the color of your blood because you were too tired to even remember whether or not you had told her about it.

"So, what are we doing? Movie night? Random brunch date?" You laughed at her recommendations, picking her up (arms around her lower back and lifting so her legs dangled, feet a solid four inches off the ground) and carrying her in the general direction of your couch. You made a noise sort of like a whine, one that you could have convinced yourself came out of her, when your knees came into contact with it, and you dropped her onto the sitting apparatus in a laying position before laying with her and happily snuggling into the chill of her neck. It took her a moment to recover, blinking and confused from everything that had just happened, before she just curled a hand into your hair and let out a sigh that you recognized to be-- you hoped to be-- of relief. You laid like that in silence for a little while, one of you occasionally shifting in a way that caused you to be closer to one another each time, silence filling the room pleasantly; you'd even managed to drift off once or twice before she spoke.

"C'mon, Karkat, just tell me what we're doing... It's late and you aren't the only one who's tired."

"Nap."

It didn't seem to take her very long to figure out what you meant by that, and she happily pressed her entire body into the warmth of yours, making her the perfect cold blanket to sleep with. Her breath against your neck was oddly comforting, and you were significantly less tense than before, able to focus on her presence and not what you had dreamed about, muscles relaxing as you exhaled. When you drifted off this time, it didn't take too much effort to stay asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

The longer you held in what you had done, the more you found yourself relying on long talks with Terezi, entirely dependent on her to an extent you found almost unhealthy. Despite how much even the thought made you want to gag, you knew that it was time to tell someone else about the fact that you had killed Gamzee, or at least about the fact that he had nearly killed you.

You had finally started talking to people again, though you were still locked away to an unhealthy degree. You had managed movie night with Sollux, under the condition that you didn't watch his horror movies like you usually did, which he confusedly agreed to, but other than Trollian and Terezi, that was the only real interaction you'd had.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA] at 21:16.

CG: ARE YOU AWAKE?  
CG: I MEAN, AWAKE ENOUGH TO TALK.  
GA: I Just Woke Up But I Think I Can Manage  
GA: Why  
GA: Is Something Wrong  
CG: I'M FINE, FUCK.  
CG: I JUST.  
CG: NEED SOMEONE TO SPILL MY GUTS TO.  
GA: Why Wouldnt You Just Talk To Sollux  
GA: Did The Two Of You Have A Falling Out  
CG: WE DIDN'T HAVE A "FALLING OUT."  
CG: I JUST DON'T THINK THAT THIS IS SOMETHING I NEED TO TELL HIM ABOUT RIGHT THIS VERY MOMENT. HE'LL LEARN ABOUT IT LATER ONE WAY OR ANOTHER, EVENTUALLY.  
GA: What Is It  
CG: OKAY. SO.  
CG: BOY, IS IT GETTING HOT IN HERE?  
GA: Karkat We Are Not In The Same Block  
CG: RIGHT.  
CG: WELL, IT'S HOT.  
GA: Just Hurry Up And Tell Your Story Already  
CG: SO AS YOU MAY OR MAY NOT KNOW, GAMZEE AND I WERE-- *ARE* PALE.  
CG: ONLY THE THING IS, WE'RE NOT ANYMORE.  
GA: The Two Of You Broke Up  
CG: NO.  
CG: WELL, SORT OF, I GUESS.  
CG: IN THE SENSE THAT WE WERE IN A PALE RELATIONSHIP AND AREN'T ANYMORE BASED ON DECISIONS BOTH OF US MADE.  
GA: I Dont Understand The Problem  
GA: Werent You And Gamzee Horrible Together  
CG: NO.  
CG: FUCK YOU.  
CG: I WAS A GREAT MOIRAIL.  
CG: WE JUST. UH.  
CG: THERE WAS AN INCIDENT.  
GA: An Incident  
CG: YES. AN INCIDENT.  
GA: Care To Explain  
CG: I'M GETTING TO THAT.  
CG: YOU SEE, OUR HIGH, HEAD-IN-THE-CLOUDS FRIEND ISN'T SO HIGH AND DOESN'T HAVE QUITE AS MANY CLOUDS AROUND HIS HEAD THESE DAYS. OR HE DIDN'T.  
CG: AFTER ALL OF THE STUFF WITH OUR FRIENDS, HE'S BEEN TOTALLY SOBER.  
CG: AND I THOUGHT THAT I WAS THE ONLY PERSON EQUIPPED TO HANDLE THAT TICKING TIME BOMB.  
CG: BUT I WASN'T.  
GA: He Found A New Moirail  
GA: But Who Else Would Want To Be Pale With Him  
CG: NO. STOP PUTTING WORDS IN MY MOUTH.  
CG: HE HAD A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN IN ONE OF THE HALLWAYS, AND HE SORT OF ATTACKED ME.  
GA: Sort Of  
CG: YES.  
GA: How Do You Sort Of Attack Someone Exactly  
CG: HE WASN'T HIMSELF, KAN, YOU KNOW THAT.  
GA: I Cant Say I Do  
GA: But Ignoring That  
GA: Why Did That Lead To The End Of Your Relationship  
GA: I Thought You Could Handle Him When He Got Like That  
CG: I COULD. BUT HE WASN'T IN A HEADSPACE TO BE PAPPED OR TALKED DOWN.  
CG: IF I HADN'T DONE ANYTHING, HE WOULD HAVE KILLED ME.  
CG: I WASN'T EXACTLY HAPPY ABOUT IT, BUT IT WAS WHAT I HAD TO DO.  
GA: You Killed Him  
CG: FOR ONCE, YOUR ASSUMPTION IS ACCURATE.  
GA: Do The Others Know  
CG: YES. WELL, NO, JUST TEREZI. SHE HELPED ME MOVE HIS BODY FROM THAT CORRIDOR TO HIS BLOCK.  
CG: I CAN'T GET THE IMAGE OF HIS BLOODY FACE OUT OF MY MIND. IT WAS JUST A CHAOTIC MESS OF PURPLE AND SHITTY FACE PAINT.  
CG: IT STICKS WITH YOU.  
GA: Thats A Lot To Deal With  
GA: Im Sorry You Had To Go Through All That  
GA: I Imagine It Was Anything But Pleasant  
CG: I JUST WISH THAT I HADN'T FOUGHT BACK.  
CG: MAYBE IF HE HAD GOTTEN ME INSTEAD OF THE OTHER WAY AROUND, HE WOULDN'T HAVE HURT ANYONE ELSE.  
CG: MAYBE I WOULD HAVE BEEN THE ULTIMATE SATISFACTION, AND HE WOULDN'T EVEN HAVE FELT BAD ABOUT IT.  
GA: I Promise You We Would All Miss You More Than Any Of Us Will Miss Gamzee  
CG: I KNOW.  
CG: BUT YOU'D GET OVER IT.  
GA: Oh Hush  
GA: We Could Never Just Get Over Losing You  
GA: Youre One Of Our Closest Friends And Quite Frankly I Like You A Whole Lot More Than I Ever Liked Gamzee  
CG: PROMISE?  
GA: Promise  
GA: Now Tell Me Whats Been Going On In Your Life Other Than The Shit With Gamzee  
CG: MOSTLY JUST STUFF WITH TEREZI. FINALLY HAD MOVIE NIGHT WITH SOLLUX.  
GA: Stuff With Terezi  
GA: Such As  
CG: OH GO MEDDLE IN SOMEONE ELSE'S QUADRANT LIFE.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA] at 21:52.

Telling someone who wasn't Terezi helped to lift a certain weight off of your shoulders, and you were thankful that you wouldn't just be pushing all of your problems onto her now. She deserved better than to be your personal psychologist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While Something New is on hiatus, expect a lot of updates for Doomed From the Start. Sometimes I get in a writing mood but I am not ready to regularly write again, and that usually leads to me writing for this.


	5. Chapter 5

You had learned a long time ago not to get Sollux and Terezi in a room together if you had any intentions of watching a movie. They typically talked over the entire thing, either with snarky commentary about how stupid the movie you were watching was or some argument about whether or not the movie was actually stupid because the only thing they seemed to share in common with movie-taste was that they both hated your romantic comedies. Yet somehow, Kanaya managed to convince you to have a movie night with all of the trolls on the meteor, or at least, all of the living ones; something about how it would help you cope to interact with people more. You doubted her logic, but it was hard to turn down Kanaya when she really wanted something.

Aradia, Sollux, and Terezi all sat in a sort of bundle on one side of the couch while your jade-blooded friend herself sat on the other, looking incredibly prim and proper, with you forced into the middle of this mess. Sollux had brought a movie, an older one based on it being in black and white, but he refused to tell you the title of it, and you couldn't be sure if that was because of how ludicrously long it was (doubtful for an old movie) or because he wanted it to be a 'surprise.' Aradia seemed to know what it was, based on her excited muttering about the plot with Terezi (at least, you were pretty sure it was about the plot), but she was speaking just quietly enough that you couldn't actually pick up on any details. You didn't watch a lot of older movies, but in your experience they were pretty tame, so you thought you'd be alright.

* * *

You were wrong.

You were only twenty-four minutes and forty-eight seconds into the movie and already you were so wrong. The movie was about a workaholic threshecutioner and his struggle to balance his job, his relationships with his matesprit and moirail, and his struggle with an addiction to soporifics. It was like all of the horrifying qualities of yourself as you wanted to be, yourself as you were, and Gamzee as he had been. If that wasn't bad enough, at precisely twenty-four minutes and forty-eight seconds, the threshecutioner had a flashback to the moment that caused his addiction, as movies do with that sort of thing, and you proceeded to watch two minutes of the most scarring flashback ever.

It didn't help that you compared the whole thing to your own experiences not even two weeks ago, or that it was already so similar to that, or that all of your friends except for Kanaya didn't seem to be worried about how you were reacting to this at all. It was at least partially your fault. After all, you hadn't told any of them, but even Terezi, who was the first person to know and who had even seen you less than an hour after you had committed the murder, wasn't phased at all.

The threshecutioner started drinking due to his first execution job, and you had to watch as he took a sickle, your weapon of choice and a frequent weapon among the threshecutioner corps due to their efficiency, and chopped off the head of a treasonous indigo blood, one shade below Gamzee.

You nearly threw up all over yourself and your friends, but managed to contain yourself, practically shoving yourself up and standing, frozen as everyone stared at you for a long minute, before shaking your head a bit. "I'm fine, I just need to use the ablution trap. Don't worry about me." Aradia nodded and returned her attention to the screen as Sollux's brief look of concern quickly returned to interest at the movie, but you could see Kanaya's eyes linger on your hesitant face and couldn't help but notice Terezi inhale deeply as if trying to read your expression before slowly looking back at the movie; it was pretty clear the happy couple were the only people who weren't having any less fun than they had been before.

Rushing to your ablutionblock, you held a hand over your mouth just in case you really did throw up. You practically collapsed when you made it, pulling your knees to your chest and trying your best not to hyperventilate, which resulted in you occasionally choking on your own controlled breaths. You had to wipe at your face every few seconds, felt a compulsory need to, the tears wetting your cheeks as you tried your best not to panic despite being totally lost to the world, trapped in the labyrinthine mess of your mind where the walls seemed to frequently shift around you to guarantee that you got lost inside. You weren't sure anyone could help you at this point, and you were even less sure that you would have accepted it had they offered. You needed to get through this on your own.

The room was black and cold, and you were drowning. Drowning in fear, in panic, in the cold air and in the tears running down your cheeks, drowning in thick purple blood, unable to swim to the surface, swim to freedom, stuck where you were. You knew that there was no one in the block with you, because everyone was still in the entertainment block watching the stupid movie that had caused this in the first place, but that didn't stop you from feeling like there were a million eyes on you.

You were surrounded by people, invisible to your eyes, choking you and lashing out at you, and your "controlled breathing" went out the window as you gasped for air and choked on your own throat like an idiotic grub.

It took you a minute to register just how hard you were shaking as you tried to push yourself up using the sink counter behind your head, legs shaking so hard that you almost fell over before you even managed to get up. Staring at your reflection in the mirror was possibly the worst thing you could have done, as, face flushed and puffy and eyes disgustingly bloodshot, your immediate instinct was to smash it into a million tiny pieces and dance on those until they had turned into dust. You made the observation that you were quite ugly when you cried, sniffling and wiping your face.

You jumped when Kanaya rested a hand on your shoulder, whipping around to see her and making a face you were willing to bet was even more ugly than just a crying one as she gave you a look that you couldn't quite describe, but seemed to radiate "I know that you can't take care of yourself so I've come to help you clean up your awful, awful mess" in a way you knew you would never be able to imitate. She had very clearly been chewing on her lip, having forgotten how sharp her teeth were, based on the smudges in her lipstick and the very thin line of green spilling down her chin that she was very careful to wipe at in a way that wouldn't have smeared it once she realized you were staring at it. "I told them I had gone to look for snacks... Are you alright? It's been nearly ten minutes and I didn't even think you had gone to use the abultionblock when you said that you had to." You stumbled. Ten minutes? There was no way it had been that long.

"I'm fine, don't worry about it." You were grateful she didn't bring up the color of your still-flushed face, though it wasn't like everyone didn't know about your blood color already. Instead, she just nodded a bit and pulled you into an embrace, which you were equally grateful for. You buried your face in her shoulder and sniffled, wrapping your arms tight around her as she gently papped you and didn't comment on your tears staining her dress, though that may have been because it was bright red just like your disgusting mix of scalene and salt and whatever other chemicals were in tears that you hadn't bothered to remember.

"You know that I don't believe that for a second, right?" You just nodded against her shoulder and she sighed.

It took the two of you a long minute to pull away from one another, but when you did, there was a noticeable absence of a tightness in your chest that you had just come to accept, and you weren't having as much trouble breathing. A look toward the mirror showed that your face had at the very least returned to a normal color, and you sighed softly. Her reflection wasn't standing next to yours, but it was easy for you to imagine that it was; in your head, it looked a lot better than yours.

Upon returning to your entertainment block, Kanaya having thought to grab a couple of bags of chips from your preparation block beforehand, Terezi rested a hand on your shoulder, giving you a look that was clearly asking if you were okay. You kissed her forehead instead of saying anything, and she visibly relaxed.


	6. Chapter 6

"I don't deserve you..." The sentence was muttered against the bare skin of her neck as she had nearly fallen asleep, in the hopes that she wouldn't hear you say it and you wouldn't be forced to talk about how little you actually deserved to have her around. Instead, though, she hummed a bit, as if silently asking you to repeat yourself, and moved to be face to face with you. "I don't... _deserve_ to have you around... You deserve so much better than being dragged down by the anxiety-riddled anchor that is me." After taking a long, sleepy minute to process your words, she sighed, warm breath hitting your face in a way that you would normally find annoying or gross but couldn't currently bring yourself to care very much about.

"We aren't having this conversation again..." You knew that she was referencing the fact that you had said this practically every day that the two of you had decided to do this, but you still couldn't bring yourself to feel like you actually deserved to have her care about you. You didn't say that, though, instead just nodding and letting yourself get lost in your own thoughts of self-deprecation and dismissing any possibilities of people actually caring about you. It wasn't that you thought that they couldn't, logically you knew that it wasn't very likely that this many people were lying to you about their care for you, you just weren't exactly certain what their reason for it was; Kanaya was polite and good at calming people down, Sollux was useful when it came to tech even if he was a snarky asshole, and Terezi was... well, Terezi. But you? You were useless.

After a long enough period of time had passed, which was really only two or three minutes, you couldn't contain your thoughts anymore, "But why do you keep me around? You don't have any reason to like me and yet here you are, cuddling with me to make sure that I sleep okay."

She groaned before responding, clearly tired and just wanting to go to sleep, not argue with you about why she cared about you despite your abysmal lack of any good qualities. "You don't need a reason to like somebody, Karkat... Sometimes, whether or not they're a good person, which you are, and whether or not they have any good qualities, which you do, you just like a person for the time you've spent with them."

"But why? It's not like any of the time we've spent together was good... I killed someone and you helped me move the bo--"

"Shut up." You froze, eyes wide, and stared at her face, at the tears beginning to well up in her bright red eyes. Her glasses had gone wherever her shirt and her cane had, allowing you to stare deep into the reflection pools of scarlet and scar tissue that simultaneously made you want to comfort her and cry with her. "That's not the only time we've spent together and you know it. We've... Fuck, we've been doing this for weeks, and we've had a movie night, even if that didn't go completely swimmingly and it wasn't just us, and we've spent lots of time together before that, even before the game!" You weren't going to point out that you hadn't technically met before the game.

After a few seconds of stunned silence, you finally regained the ability to open your mouth. "Yes, fine, we've spent other amounts of time together, but that still doesn't answer my question! _Why_ are you spending time with me? Why are we doing this?!" She seemed terrified, and even you wondered if the words that had just come out of your mouth were a break-up. "I... shit..." Your breathing was heavy and now your eyes were filled with tears too. "Terezi, I killed someone... I'm a killer. I don't deserve you..." Her face crinkled up and finally a river of tears rushed down her face as she moved, without saying anything first, to press her lips to yours.

It certainly wasn't a short kiss. She didn't pull away after two seconds like usual, she didn't grin against you lips and say something cheesy to make you smile before you broke apart, she didn't do anything that she normally did when kissing you while the two of you were like this, and unlike any other kiss the two of you had shared, you weren't able to convince yourself that this kiss had been purely platonic, because of course it wasn't. Your eyes closed and you pulled her closer and her chest, barren of any sort of clothes because neither of you had thought it would lead to this and it was much more comfortable for cuddling, pressed against yours, still covered by a sweater, and you just stayed like that, for a long time. You didn't pull away until long after your tongue ran along her teeth and made contact with hers, and this kiss was assuredly not platonic and your face was definitely flushed when it was no longer pressed to hers.

Your name ghosted past her lips as you kissed her neck before you finally told yourself to stop, because you didn't know what you were doing and this wasn't appropriate, you couldn't just decide all of a sudden to pail because you had gotten a bit emotional, you got emotional a lot. She whined when you stopped, returning to your usual amount of physical contact and avoiding looking her in the fact as you talked. "I still don't deserve you..."

"Why don't we deal with that later?" _Because I'm a murderer and you shouldn't have anything to do with me._ The thought passed through your mind and almost came out of your mouth multiple times before you finally conceded, hiding you face in her neck and sighing and just laying there.

You were pretty sure you could have stayed like that in silence forever, but it was her who broke it. She seemed to consider her word choice carefully, the sentence filled with pauses and words that were obviously different from what they were originally going to be, but you bared through it because a large part of you knew that she needed to say this, that she needed you to hear this. "I was... like this too, you know. With Vriska. When I killed her, I was so sure that I didn't deserve to... to have anyone care about me, even if I had managed to convince myself I'd done the right thing and even if... even if you guys were obviously worried about me. Or at least, you were... Sollux and Kanaya and Aradia may not have noticed, but you messaged me every night to make sure I was okay..."

You remembered what she was talking about. On the roof, you had been suspended in disbelief as you embraced her with the corpse of one Spiderbitch laying not ten feet in front of you, obnoxiously bright orange outfit thoroughly soaked in cerulean blood. She was crying, and you remembered having to talk to her a lot to convince her not to hate herself, to convince her that she _didn't_ deserve to die and that she _did_ need to eat and that yes, really, you _did_ still care about her. You hadn't doubted for a second that what she did was justified, and it was only now that you realized you really were doing the same thing, but the difference was that you really were awful and she was just killing her best friend to save everyone else while you did it to save your own sorry ass.

"You tried so hard to make sure I didn't feel bad about what I'd done, and you tried even harder to make sure I ate properly and slept properly so I wouldn't just wither away from you because, according to you, you couldn't lose any more friends, but I knew that you were just saying that so you didn't have to admit that you cared about me... Well I'm going to be here for you, like that. I'm not going to let you beat yourself up over this to the point that you fucking die because you defended yourself."

The intense look on her face was enough to convince you not to argue with her, so you didn't. You kissed her again, much shorter than the first time around, before burying your face in her neck and closing your eyes. You had needed this.


End file.
